missing my grandma...

I just cried when I took my girls into Nana's Room. This is the first time Khlo'e has been to Nana's house. (Before, we walked in Khlo'e was crying and fussing and when I put her on her bed..she was justa looking around and smilin) I know even though Nana didn't get to see her here on earth..she's seen Khlo'e and loves her.

We love you Nana & Papa!

When we'd come over to visit, my grandma would lay Devlyn on her bed when she was a baby and she'd put her on the fur and she'd fall asleep so fast.

I haven't been to my grandma's house since after she passed. That was about 6 mo. ago. I can't believe that much time has gone by. This was my first visit back to the house. I've stayed away cause I just couldn't bring myself to go over, It was still very painful and too hard. But the day after memorial day I decided to go, I was bummed on memorial day because we don't have a grave site here to pay our respects, because both my grandpa & grandma our buried in Hawaii.

So when I pulled up to the house, the tears just started pouring. When I walked in thru the down stairs, My sister told me to go upstairs when I was ready, and to go by myself and then she'd bring the girls up after. I walked up stairs and I was happy to see her sitting room, filled with tons of pictures of our family, kids aren't allowed in that room except if my grandma said it was ok..it was kind of that "untouchable room" no kids allowed kind of thing, except for when her visiting teachers came over, or family & etc. and I was happy to see it in it's current "untouchable form." Than I walked in thru the kitchen than the living room. And usually when I'd go over and visit and walk in I'd already have ran into her, she'd be in the kitchen or living room or asleep on the couch watching her soaps..or singing as she's cleaning or doing something. But not this time..it was just quiet.

I saved the hardest room for last. Down the hall, on the left was my old room when I was a kid, than the next room was my sister L's old room and the room on the right was my grandma's room. I walked in, looked around, and saw these beautiful fresh red roses sitting in a glass vase on her night stand, that my dad had put in there the day before, on memorial day. I sat in the chair next to her bed and just balled by myself. Her bedroom looks like how she left it, everything in it's place. It still smelled like her too..which made it even harder. I can't explain it..maybe it's because we grew up in this house and she took care of us and raised us and I have so many memories in her bedroom either sleeping with her in that bed cause I was sick or just laying on her bed when I'd come to visit and we'd laugh and talk stories. That I feel the closest to her here. It may not be where her body was laid to rest but I felt so comforted there and I really miss her..and my grandpa. You never can imagine what it's like to loose your parents. Even though I'm at peace knowing there together and watching down on us. Some days, I still find it hard to live life without them here. I love them so much. And I hope to see them again, In my heart I know I will.

My grandparents left me behind the greatest gifts possible.
Unforgettable Memories, Life long lessons & Love.
♥ Trisity